


accidental competence

by exbex



Series: I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends [10]
Category: The Royal Romance (Visual Novel)
Genre: F/M, Menstruation, Politics, Puns & Word Play, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-02-23 01:30:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23936890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/exbex/pseuds/exbex
Summary: “What do you call it when an anthropomorphized lobster gives you an awesome idea that makes you feel excited and confident in your role as a duke?”
Relationships: Maxwell Beaumont/Main Character (The Royal Romance)
Series: I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1642447
Comments: 4
Kudos: 4





	accidental competence

There’s a lobster butler in each guest bathroom of the Zane estate.

Each lobster butler is about one meter high, with a serious butler expression and a butler bowtie. Each lobster butler is holding a tray offering a variety of tampons and sanitary napkins. There are so many ways in which this is delightful that Maxwell spends much of the afternoon snapping photos that he’ll later cull for his Pictagram.

“Aflred!” The majordomo waits patiently for Maxwell to catch up to him. “Alfred, where did the lobster butlers come from?”

“Her Grace ordered the Menstruation Crustacean Stations, and they were delivered this morning, Your Grace.”

“Menstruation Crustacean Stations...I did not think this could get any better, but it just did.” Maxwell grins. “I have to go tell my brilliant wife how brilliant she is.” 

“Very good, Your Grace.”

Maxwell is on his way to the RileyCave when he’s struck by a discomfiting thought. He ducks into his and Riley’s bathroom and is even more discomfited to see that there’s no Menstruation Crustacean Station. He frowns; his mission to tell Riley how brilliant she is has now also become a fact-finding mission.

“Cactus Blossom,” he croons as he enters the RileyCave. “I just saw the Menstruation Crustacean Stations and I have compliments and questions.” 

“I have both appreciation and answers, Ajei.” Riley moves out from behind her desk and sits next to Maxwell on the couch. 

“First of all, absolutely brilliant plan. Second, why is there no Menstruation Crustacean Station in our bathroom? And third, did Bertrand and I overlook your menstruation needs during Liam’s coronation season?” Perhaps it wasn’t too late to make up for such a glaring oversight.

“Thank you. I menstruate somewhat infrequently because of my IUD, and I use a menstrual cup. And yes, but, because of the IUD and menstrual cup, it was moot.”

There’s a long silence as Maxwell’s brain is overrun with thoughts and questions. Riley patiently waits, trailing her fingers through his hair and rubbing the back of his neck. The question at the forefront of his mind is rather troubling. “How bad is it that I am just now discovering what menstrual products you use?”

“Oh, I don’t know that it’s particularly bad. It’s not as if we have to do our own grocery shopping, so you wouldn’t know.”

That incites an idea, and then, another flood of questioning. “Oh, I need to order some for the Beaumont estate. Wait, why aren’t they everywhere? Out in the public I mean? Or are they?” It occurs to him that these lobster butlers could be in every single ladies’ room and he simply doesn’t know because he’s not in the habit of entering ladies’ rooms.

“Because tampons and sanitary napkins aren’t free, I presume.”

“Are places really that stingy with the funds? Or are they afraid people will hoard tampons instead of taking just the one that they need in the moment?”

“Probably both.” Riley shrugs. “And probably worried about people vandalizing or defacing the lobster butlers.”

Maxwell knits his eyebrows, a memory lapping at the shore of his mind. “I have to go do research,” he states.

The MaxwellCave is a dance studio with a small office off of it. Maxwell’s brainstorm consists of ten minutes of research and thirty minutes of thinking about his research while on the barre. By the time he’s finished, he has an entire presentation outlined in his mind. It’s a record for productivity, if he’s being honest.

**

“And now I believe Duke Maxwell has something he’d like to propose concerning the taxing of essential goods.” Liam gives him an encouraging smile, and Maxwell gets to his feet as everyone’s phones buzz at roughly the same time. 

“I sent a list of bullet points to everyone, but it’s pretty simple. Cordonia needs to remove taxes on menstrual products. Currently Cordonia doesn’t tax essential goods, but menstrual products are taxed as if they’re non-essential goods, which makes less than zero sense, as they are a necessity.”

Godfrey, predictably, rolls his eyes. “We have value-added tax on clothing, which is an essential need.”

Olivia gives him a withering look. “There’s a question of equity here. Approximately fifty percent of the population is free from the tax on menstrual products.”

“It’s also an issue of health, both individual and public health,” Landon adds.

“And people have a degree of choice concerning how much they wish to spend on something like clothing. Those choices are limited when it comes to menstrual products,” Hana says.

“A tax on menstrual products also disproportionately affects the poor,” Drake frowns. “And given that they are essential products, like Hana said, people don’t have a lot of choice in how much they spend. And I don’t pretend to be an expert in menstrual products, but I’m pretty sure that, unlike with some other essentials, people are limited in how much money they can save. It’s not like choosing between filet mignon and ground beef, or designer fashion or off-the-rack clothing.”

Godfrey scowls and turns his attention to Riley. “Why are you putting your husband up to this?”

Riley turns a pointed look on Godfrey. “Duke Karlington, this is Maxwell’s brainchild. I support him, as I agree with him on this issue. Do you have an actual argument against this?”

He glowers. “It seems like a particular...agenda. There are value-added taxes on all manner of products that are considered essential.”

“As others have pointed out, there’s a lack of equity concerning this particular tax, which is particularly problematic considering that everyone benefits from the use of these products, as Duke Landon pointed out, not everyone bears the burden of the tax on these products. And as it’s not actually a luxury product, it does, however inadvertently, disproportionately affect lower income families and individuals.”

Liam clears his throat. “I think there are several valuable points that have been brought up, and I will take them under advisement. I’m afraid that I have other matters to attend to this afternoon, so we do need to adjourn.”

**

Maxwell sighs as he luxuriates in the Palace’s best bathtub. He isn’t feeling a sense of victory from the afternoon’s meeting, in spite of his apparent success.

“Maxwell?” His favorite voice is on the other side of the door. “Are you in there? And may I come in?”

“Yes and yes,” he replies.

Riley closes and locks the door behind her. “Hey,” she says as she pulls up a chair and sits. “How are you doing?”

“I don’t know,” he says honestly. He peers up at her. “I have this nagging doubt.”

“Oh?” She looks at him, her expression open, guileless. 

“That was too easy, this afternoon.”

She frowns. “As in...too good to be true? Or…?

“Yeah. Like everyone was humoring me, or like someone put them up to it. Now, I know how crazy that is, but I was expecting more resistance.”

Riley leans forward, resting her elbows on her thighs. “Well, you have to look at the members of the council. Landon’s duchy has been through natural disasters, and public health always becomes a very present concern when those happen. Drake is always rather cognizant of the needs of the common people. And Olivia and Hana, presumably, menstruate. And those are just my overly simplistic assumptions.” She gives him a look. “I hope you don’t think I put any of them up to it.”

Maxwell cracks a smile. “Like I said, a crazy thought. I know you didn’t, it’s just, rather unexpected. I mean, don’t get me wrong; it feels good, to feel so...competent. Potentially competent? Accidentally competent?”

“I like just competent.” She leans in and gives him a lingering kiss.

“Mmm…” he smiles as she pulls back. “What do you call it when an anthropomorphised lobster gives you an awesome idea that makes you feel excited and confident in your role as a duke?”

“Serendipity, perhaps?”

“Perhaps. You could also say it’s an….oracle barnacle.” Maxwell slings an arm around Riley’s shoulders and pulls her into the tub, relishing her squeal. 

“You’re a menace!” she laughs.

“Don’t be crabby, Babe.”


End file.
